Friday, November 7, 2008

Brennan Writes His First Blog

Allow me to gloriously introduce myself. Imagine trumpets, streamers, shots a-plenty, and scantly clad women. Yes, for this entry only, your wildest dreams may come true... that is, of course, if you have a good imagination and know how to day dream. Sorry, but this will be the first of many disappoints my John McCain-like "friend."

My name is Brennan. Hellooooooooo internets. I've never blogged before, but I've always found my thoughts to be quite provocative and insightful. However, for the most part my interests are sadly confined to the plain, the ordinary, and the cliche - politics, movies, food, and the opposite sex. I have a big id. Yes, it's not the size of the id that matters but rather how one uses it and, thus, I use my id a lot (PS - for those who don't know what an id is, check the name Sigmund Freud circa 19th century; for those that already know what an id is, you can applaud your ego... and your super ego).

This blog has stolen the best and the brightest of the lowest denominator of society, yet I find myself among this fine company looking up, not down. That said, what to expect from me? As you can already ascertain, not much.

Let it be known that those who read my entries on this blog will find such entries separating themselves from my peers through shear luck and tasteless obscurity. I will not hold back. Sometimes I may even use a swear word... hide the children. However, mostly you will read about my adventures in dating and my quest to find the perfect J.A.P. (Jewish American Princess)... or at least a sufficient non-Jew that can provide the requisite Jewish guilt needed to put me in my comfort zone. You will read about my exploits in pizza eating, my complaints about fox news (a.k.a. conservative zombie television)/MSNBC (a.k.a liberal zombie television), and my utterly mundane anecdotes about the latest Netflix movie which happened to bestow its presence on my DVD player. Although my content will, apparently, lack substance, those who read my entries will soon discover it takes a certified muzzle to silence this Jewish tongue. If you read the small print at the end of the 1st Amendment, you will find the phrase "except for Brennan." This seldom used addition to the 1st Amendment was added on February 18th, 1980... the day of my birth. Yes, in the case of this man, the government was for once proactive. I am an equal opportunity offender and apparently the one person in this country that can force bi-partisan action.

Now you have raised expectations. You have read my supposed wit and think "hmm, this guy might be entertaining." Rookie mistake. Before it's too late I must stop you from such suddenly raised expectations. I beg of you - do not allow any optimism to creep in. I have a master's degree in psychology and a juris doctorate, but do not let my credentials fool you - I am, in no better terms, a philistine. I am what those who reside in the holiest of lands of San Diego often call uncouth scum. I say this now to warn all you readers... all one of you. Do not raise your expectations for they will surely find you underwhelmed. Resist all temptation to learn anything from me or you will surely find yourself amongst the least learned. I promise you, at best, after reading my tripe you will offer a simple request to the local webmaster, you will undoubtedly speak these four simple, yet sacred words - "please delete this post"....

1 comment:

T. Johnson (aka "24") said...

Well Done Brennan! Welcome aboard!